Crossroads Hospice Grief Recovery Interview

KCTV5—Kansas City

Dana Wright—anchor

Vickie Mears—Crossroads Hospice, Kansas City Office

DW: The holidays are a very busy and festive time for all of us, but for many people they can be the toughest part of the year because those people are missing loved ones. Today I’m joined by Vickie Mears, bereavement coordinator for Crossroads Hospice’s Kansas City Office. She’s a resident of Independence. Thank you for joining us. It’s not a fun thing to talk about, but it is a part of life. This is a very tough time for a lot of folks right now.

VM: Very difficult. It’s a time when a lot of people are enjoying festivities, they are excited, buying gifts, and the person who’s grieving just wants to fast forward to February.

DW: What I want to let people know, something that surprised me when I asked, you guys help with grief for everyone, it doesn’t have to be someone that’s getting hospice services right now. So, tell people how they find you and what services you provide for the families. 

VM: Well our main number is 816-333-9200 and we do provide community support. Our foundation has the outreach of learning gift to the community and those are educational opportunities around grief and loss because there are so many myths about grieving – like time heals all wounds—that’s not true. It’s what you do with that time. 

DW: I’m guessing you still have people that are not recently bereaved – people that are continually dealing with this, and one of the things I want to ask you about is the suicide rate that we see spike around Thanksgiving and around Christmas. What has your experience been in that regard? 

VM: Well sometimes, those people are not grieving the loss of someone due to a death, but they’re grieving loss. Because there are several types of loss. There’s divorce, there’s job loss, financial stability (we’ve seen a lot of that) any relationship loss - they have their own grief experience going on and that’s why we offer a program called the Grief Recovery Program because its not only loss due to death, but it’s for any type of loss. 

DW: Well a lot of people just facing depression right now because of the economy and all kinds of things that fall out from all of that. We have some tips that you shared with us that I appreciate very much, we want to show you if you’re sitting at home and maybe you don’t have the time to get to an actual organization. 

DW: Grief during the holidays - Those who knew your loved one

VM: Spending time with someone who can share those memories can be very important and being able to reminisce and simple ways of reminiscing, like for children - letting them draw a picture, letting them have a memory box of Nana’s things, a picture. Another simple way to include family members who may want to talk or not talk is to have a memory table, so everyone can contribute – put maybe Dad’s golf ball there because that was so important, or things they were interested in, and maybe they were an advocate for breast cancer awareness and a pin. There are many ways for families to be able to come together; some will speak, some will cry, and some won’t. They’re grieving more on the inside.

DW: And there’s no right or wrong answer I’m sure.

VM: There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

DW: Now you talked about the children. I wanted to ask you about that because as a parent, the holidays for the kids go on – I mean even if there is grieving, that’s a very difficult line to walk, I’m sure, with children. How do you counsel parents to still make that, try to make that a joyous time for kids in the midst of something that just happened? 

VM: Well, I encourage parents to be honest with children at the child’s level. So don’t over answer a question, just answer what they’re asking about. Keeping the same routine provides stability in a child’s life, so that’s a big part of it. It’s okay to be real, to have tears in front of your children because to protect them from a life experience that will come—it can be harmful later on. But if you provide an opportunity for expression, there are no big secrets anybody’s holding. Then things will balance out well.

DW: I remember my sister-in-law lost her mother around the holidays and she told the children “I’m sad today, I’m just sad today,” and they were three and five and they seemed to understand, you know without getting into a big conversation about it that you know, Mom’s just sad today and that worked for her. But I’m sure it’s going to be different in every family depending on the circumstances of the loss.

VM: Yes, it will be different, you know with children. They will have these grief bursts that they’ll just cry and sob and then ten minutes later they’re playing and that’s normal for them.

DW: I know your organization is always looking for volunteers. Hospice is such a wonderful gift – I have many friends who said they could not get through this without hospice. Tell people where they can go for more information about your organization.

VM: Sue Fine is our volunteer coordinator and volunteering is another way to have a memory of your loved one be expressed, doing something for an organization that they loved or making a donation in their name, things of that nature, but volunteering, whenever we give—there’s a principle—we receive.

DW: And I’m sure it makes you feel like you’re not alone in all of this because then you can volunteer. The phone number is what, how do they get a hold of you?

VM: 816-333-9200

DW: We’ve also provided a link on our website kctv5.com if you are in need of services ask for help, just ask.

VM: Ask for help, that’s right. Because just having information around grieving can be the key for you. Grief is a natural reaction to loss and we all experience loss.

DW: Alright, Vickie Mears with Crossroads Hospice, I appreciate you coming here today.

VM: Thank you.

# # # #

© 1990 - 2012 Simon Public Relations - Back to top